Leaking Out – Sitting in the waiting room

In Leaking Out on January 28, 2012 at 8:38 am

Leaking Out - Sitting in the waiting room

I wrote a personal essay last year or two years ago about my experience of my mother’s death.  I titled the essay Leaking Out.  There are 22 potential illustrations out of it.  I think this will be a side project.  I will not count it as part of the Art Challenge as the illustrations will not really be self-contained or complete if they’re not accompanied by the other illustrations and the actual essay.  This is the first one.

While I was writing the essay one of the things I learned that still remains with me is fear.  Not of death, or dying, but of the finality of it for those who witness it.  There is nothing to do.  Nothing.  I have poked at that fear from time to time.  It is still in good health.  Its claws are buried deep in many different aspects of my life.  It is painfully anchored and secure.   It raises its voice and tightens its grip if my husband or my son are sick.  Or if I think about my family and I’ve just read news about how bad things are over where they are.  Or if my husband drives at night on his own.  Or if my son is by himself with his grandma that loves him immensely but is growing old.  I don’t remember this fear sitting heavy on my chest before my mother died.  I’m still not sure how to pry it out, or even if that’s possible.  I still remember what it was like not carrying it.  l felt lighter, more adventurous, more curious.  In the meantime I smile and push forward, whispering soothing words to my fear to get it to go to sleep.

If my blog resonates with you and you know other people who would find it interesting, practical or inspiring, please share it with them by email, facebook or twitter. Sharing is the only way my writing will reach new readers. Thank you!

  1. I know exactly what are you talking about. That fear it´s so heavy, and thick, like fog, and you can’t breath. But, if you pray a little and ask for serenity, God gives you that. And after all, people who have been there and got back, says that it´s so beautiful and calmness that they don’t want to get back. That gives me a little of relief.
    But, we still miss a lot to mommy. And we don’t want to be apart of our beloved people. I really like the drawing, it shows what you felt.
    Te quiero mucho.

Please, tell me what you think about this post.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s